Semester.

In three words I can sum up everything I've 
learned about life: it goes on.
-Robert Frost

Another semester draws to a close. I don't think anyone can really complain. As I reflect on this semester I cannot say that it was a semester that was a particularly happy one. It was long, and hard. I had a lot of amazing and good times, but I walk away very tired. There is something very melancholy about watching everyone leave campus and seeing the parking lot empty out. It's like the real beginning of winter. The end of the semester is never bad, just cold I think. 


I walked out of my Anatomy/Physiology class Monday afternoon after finishing the final, and I was genuinely sad. This semester I changed the direction of my career completely, though most of my goals remain the same. But, leaving behind medicine has been exciting, and now suddenly very sad. The dreams I had for so long about becoming a nurse or a doctor remain in the seat I had occupied this semester as I walk out to pursue new dreams. The vivid goals I had wanted to accomplish will stay behind and become some other young ambitious student's passion, as I chase down some new study. It's scary to let go, even for someone with so little attachments. Make no mistake, I do not regret changing to social work from medicine, I finally have peace. But, it was my consolation that my career would have meaning, that I would be successful. It was a fall-back identity. I am forced to stand on the raw truth straight from the mouth of God to know who I am, instead of upon the reward of a guaranteed meaningful career. 
 

At the end of this semester, I stand with frayed ends, and an unusual contentment at the prospect of returning to Joplin next semester. I will miss Ozark over Christmas strangely enough, it has brought me comfort this semester in my hard times, wisdom when I was helpless, and community when I found myself isolated. I look ahead, so excited to see what will happen, embracing the things that I love: writing, music, running, nature, friends, adventure, football!, philosophy, and new ideas. As I continue to process the vast amount of things I have experienced this semester, wisdom will come I think, and maturity. Growth can leave you ragged... but ready to run farther, study harder, and travel more. Even when exhausted, I have found the answer to my clouded mind to be, move. One day at a time we move, led sometimes only by the previous direction our feet were headed, and when the sun again shines, we'll have clarity. Time has no patience, it will not wait for us to be ready to handle what comes, we fight through and enjoy the times of rest when we are granted them. Thank God for Christmas break.