Breathing and Disbelieving

I understand that life moves in seasons. But, I quickly moved from a vibrant, colorful summer into what feels like a very long winter, with no sign of a thaw in the next few months. I understand that I am learning, but it feels very monotonous sometimes. In comparison to the fast paced, ever fluctuating experiences I had last year, I'm stuck in a bit of a rut where I'm at right now. I can't deny that I've changed, and I've progressed in achieving my goals, but discouragement has never ceased to hold my hand. A friend said a beautiful thing to me the other day, and it was so simple. As I relapsed into complaining about my oh-so-difficult life, he said to me nonchalantly,

"You're not being unproductive, you're just taking a breather."

After a year of hyperventilation and severe oxygen deprivation, this season has provided the rest and rehabilitation I need. The stress I feel in my lungs is only building strength. I will run again. And as much as I feel at times that God wants to see me miserable, I also know that my own assumptions about His motives have always been disproved by my experience of His grace. I was listening to a song, and the simplicity of this statement spoke volumes to my perspective on my current state of following God's will:

"If you believe me, it means you have to disbelieve yourself."

At first I thought that was really stupid. But I realized that all too often I value my bold opinions over God's merciful whispers. I've got to learn to disbelieve myself sometimes in order to grasp a vision that is bigger than the parameters of my theories.